Goodbye
by Kimmy Malfoy
Summary: My little, and feeble attempt at reforming Endgame... C7, JC(duh!) Please review :) COMPLETED! Thanks to all those who reviewed!
1. In Dreams

The room was quiet as she looked at the empty chairs, the half-filled glasses of champagne, her last walk into the mess hall, her last hours on board Voyager… as she stared out the window the stars were gone, replaced by the blaring lights of Starfleet headquarters. She was home, and sure it felt good, but there was something missing. There would be no gentle hum of her ship to lure her to sleep at night. There would be no more jests with Tom, no more laughing about Neelix's deplorable cooking, no more Sandrine's. Voyager would be replaced by padds and the dull, pedantic everyday work at her desk. _Admiral Kathryn Janeway, _it didn't have the same ring as Captain, Admiral was a cold title, a title that would alienate her from her peers, from everyone. She slowly ran her fingers over a chair and her gaze lingered at a table in the corner, a lone table with two chairs. One was hers, another was his. She remembered sitting and laughing over coffee, wine, everything. God she was going to miss him. 

As she stepped out of the ship and was assaulted with an onslaught of reporters with flashing cameras and hundreds of questions. She smiled and paused to answer a few of the inquiries, only to find her mind wandering to Chakotay and _Voyager_, to B'Elanna and Tom's wedding to all the memories made onboard. She looked one last time at her ship and her eyes caught with Chakotay's. They exchanged a lingering glance, lingering and longing. She watched as Seven gripped onto his arm. Kathryn held her breath and let out a deep sigh as she was approached by her mother and sister. As they hugged and kissed, laughed and cried Kathryn felt a hot tear burn into her cheek as it silently fell to the ground. She saw him place a kiss on Seven's cheek as he walked toward her. 

"Kathryn…" his voice was barley a whisper, as she moved away from her mother and sister and to him. He took her hands in his and gingerly lifted his hands, carefully wiping away her tears. "I guess this is… goodbye… It has been a pleasure working with you…" his voice trailed off as she looked into his eyes. "Goodbye Chakotay and… thank you." She placed a kiss on his cheek, shook his hand and with a final crooked smile walked back to her family. She turned her head and saw him look back at her one last time. He flashed a handsome dimpled smile at her and above the noise of the crowd she could hear his voice whisper "You're welcome…" 

_When the cold of winter comes_  
_Starless night will cover day  
In the veiling of the sun  
We will walk in bitter rain  
  
But in dreams  
I can hear your name  
And in dreams  
We will meet again  
  
When the seas and mountains fall  
And we come, to end of days  
In the dark I hear a call  
Calling me there,   
I will go there  
And back again._

She awoke with a start, the lingering feeling of his hands caressing her own, still fresh in her mind. Three months since they had said goodbye. Three months since she heard his voice and his laugh and seen his smile. It was too much, even for the Admiral. She loved him more than words could describe and yet, she in all her Starfleet glory had refused to recognize the passion she felt for him. Every night she dreamt of him, the taste of his lips,  the feel of his embrace and the scent of his cologne. She missed him desperately more than she wanted to admit. She gazed at the darkened room and called out for the time. 

"0-400 hours" the monotone female voice replied. Kathryn groaned… she had to be at Headquarters at 0900. As she cracked her knuckles, she turned over and made an attempt to fall back asleep. Again she called out for the time "0-403 hours" There was no way she would fall asleep again, not after that dream.

_Her long green dress flowed behind her in an exquisite train of chiffon. Her hair was elaborately twisted a top her head and the diamonds around her neck and in her ears sparkled as she laughed and clinked her champagne glass with B'Elanna's. The lovely sound of the solo violin and piano clouded her senses as she watched the hundreds of people circle around the room. Tom whisked B'Elanna away and Kathryn stood waiting in anticipation for one person… He approached her from the shadows, dressed most elegantly, and in the dim lighting she could just make out the tattoo on his forehead. He walked up to her, and without a word gently took her hand and guided her to the dance floor. His hands clutched hers as they whirled about the dance floor, gracefully, enraptured by each other. His hand moved to the lower portion of her back and she shuddered at his gentle caress. Her hand slowly moved around him and found their place at the base of his neck. The music had slowed and both Kathryn and Chakotay had stopped moving. As the music swirled above them, Kathryn felt Chakotay delicately lift her chin. She cast her eyes downward and felt the color rise in her cheeks. He looked down at her and waited until she lifted her eyes to meet his. A fire exploded inside her as their eyes met. She could see the love, the desire, the passion he held for her, all in that one glance. His lips caressed her own and she pushed her body closer to him. As the kiss intensified Kathryn's knees went weak. They broke the kiss and continued to dance to waltz as Chakotay whispered "I love you so much Kathryn, so much" over and over._

It was then that she awoke, it was too perfect, too wonderful and damn it she wanted it that way. She slowly inched her way to the replicator and in a dreadfully tired voice; she ordered a cup of coffee. She ambled slowly over to her Starfleet issue couch and flopped into it, determined to get some work done. As she placed her cup of coffee down, she heard a beep. Groaning she reached toward the table in front of her, when it beeped again. She sighed, it was the door. "Come in…" 


	2. A Visitor

In the dim lighting of her quarters she could barley make out the form that stood at her doorway, but when the person would not enter, she knew it wasn't him. Disgruntled, she placed her hand under her chin, leaned forward and called "You can come in… I won't bite, I promise…" There was a chuckle, a man's and her heart jumped for just a moment, but she knew it wasn't him. He was on shore leave, with Seven. "I don't know…" the voice called "I've heard otherwise!" She knew that voice! "Mark!" she jumped up from the couch and nearly knocked him to the ground, grabbing him into a fierce embrace. "My God!" she couldn't wipe the crooked grin off her face, and he too looked rather elated. "Kathryn, it's wonderful to see you, it truly has been too long…" As joyous as she was, she also found herself rather perplexed at the sight of her ex-fiancé… He kissed her cheek and she struggled to keep herself from muttering her first officer's name… Mark continued to talk, but Kathryn's thoughts just wandered to Chakotay and Voyager, to Sandrine's and Talent Night… all circulating around in her mind.

Mark knew she was distracted, he could tell she was miles away. Her eyes were glazed in a dreamy way, and he knew right then, when a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, that she was not thinking of him. Never of him, but of another. He felt a slight twang of jealously, sure he was married, but Kathryn, she was the one he truly wanted… but clearly, she had found another, and he had stolen her heart. Mark knew that… He shook her gently, and startled her. 

"Kathryn, what's his name?" She looked at Mark in a quizzical manner, but she knew that he had noticed her loss of attention. "What are you talking about?" 

"Oh, I believe you know Captain… you just looked a million light years away and your lips quirked into that silly little half smile… you've got it bad Janeway, now out with it…" She smiled at him, remembering all the good times they had shared. 

"Well, it's a long story, so sit down, and I'll tell you. Do you want a drink?" 

"Tea please…" She was lost in thought again, at the simple mention of Chakotay's favorite drink. Standing still in the middle of the room, she was brought back to reality by Mark's voice. "You're doing it again Kathryn!" She chuckled and proceeded toward the couch and started her story from the very beginning, The Caretaker. 

Mark listened intently to Kathryn's details of her adventures in the Delta Quadrant, and to his surprise, she seemed to be able to remember every detail, especially concerning her first officer. She seemed to mention him more than anyone else, and when she did, her fingers usually touched her lips, ever so gently. He knew that was the man she was in love with; she blushed ever so slightly when she recounted certain parties. A Hawaiian party in particular stuck in his mind, because Kathryn flushed a deep shade of red when she mentioned him… If he saw how much she loved him, in just this conversation, he wondered just how blind that Chak-something was. Kathryn was obviously nuts for him. Just as she neared the end of her stories, Mark could see that her eyes had begun to water and her voice fell to a whisper. He barely heard what she said but could make out some words. "Dream, Seven, Admiral, dead, Chakotay" was about all he got before she began to sob. He put his arms around her as she sobbed the name of her first officer over and over.

Kathryn knew her barriers had finally fallen, her mind had been ready to accept Chakotay, and now he was gone. Forever. 


	3. A meeting

Earth was so unfamiliar, so unrecognizable to her. The trees were greener than she remembered the sky bluer. She was in awe at the beauty of the sun, the way it seemed to penetrate her very soul. Mark had come to see her the day before, and she could barely recall what had happened. All she knew was that she began to tell him about her journey and had reached the final adventure when she broke down into pitiful sobs. She was supposed to be an Admiral, tough, independent. She was not supposed to be so attached to a man like she was to Chakotay. When they had said goodbye, she felt like her heart was torn from her body and all life was drawn from her.  As she strolled down the street, side by side with Mark, another man caught her eye. He was tall, stately, with black hair and tanned skin… and above his eye there was…

Nothing. She bit her lip to stop the tears from flowing, but a lone tear escaped, glistening in the sunlight.

Chakotay watched as Seven looked in the window of the store. She was so free, so childlike, so unburdened by life's troubles. As he walked toward the railing, the wind gently bending the trees, he saw a figure that caught his eye. Her red hair glistened in the sunlight as she brushed her cheeks and moved her hair from her face. And though the sun slightly obscured his vision, he knew her, all to well. He had spent seven years memorizing the way her hair fell when she laughed, the way her eyes sparkled at dinner and how her eyebrows furrowed when she was angry. He'd spent seven years loving her, and he knew it was Kathryn. He walked toward her throwing a glance over his shoulder to see if Seven was still busy. Indeed she was… He walked up behind her and placed his hand on her arm, and in a barley audible whisper he spoke her name.

Mark could see the man approach her and he could tell instantly that was him. The man she was in love with; there was no doubt in his mind. He could see the way she breathed in quickly when he touched her, the way her eyes widened at the sound of his voice. It was obvious… and he was more than a little jealous. He had always loved Kathryn, but since the day he came to see her, he'd known that her heart lay with another, he knew the moment she mentioned his name. Her heart and mind was and always would be his… Chakotay's… No matter how much he whished she would come back to him.

_Who is the third who walks always beside you?_

_When I count, there are only you and I together_

_But when I look ahead up the white road_

_There is always another one walking beside you_


	4. Never say goodbye

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews, again this was just one of those stories that I wasn't to crazy about, but all you v. nice reviewers kept me going!

She knew his touch, and the soft whisper of his voice, she knew the man who stood behind her. And yet, she feared to turn around, feared that this was just a daydream, and if she turned around he would vanish. But as his hand tightened around her shoulder, she did turn to see him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Chakotay…" she could barley hear herself above the beating of her heart. As he pulled her into a quick hug, she felt herself gasping for breath at the slightest touch of his body to hers. Why had she never felt this way on Voyager? As she looked into his eyes, not listening to what he was saying she realized, she had. She always had been in love with him… but now, now there was no reason to hide her feelings. She finally could let her barriers crumble, until she saw Seven.

He knew she wasn't listening to him, but he didn't care. He finally held the woman he had always loved. She had broken his heart every time she said the word protocol, but now he was no longer bound to Starfleet. As he followed her eyes to see what she was looking at, he noticed that Seven was walking toward him. Maybe he still was bound to Starfleet, more than he cared to admit.

As they parted ways, all of them she waved a small wave at Mark. She knew that she would never see him again. They had really grown apart, and her heart and mind belonged to another. Always to another. Chakotay had walked away with Seven she watched him look back, and she knew that she had been too late, he was bound to Seven and she had lost him. "Goodbye my love…" she whispered into the wind.

The Next Day:

She stood in front of Voyager, as it sat placidly on the lawn of Starfleet Headquarters. She moved toward her ship, and in a most tender way, she brushed her hand across the cold metal, covered with morning dew. In her other hand she held a cup of coffee, and as she walked away from her ship, she heard a noise, a voice… one she thought she would never hear again.

"I'd thought I just might find you here"

Chakotay! It was not real… he had been with Seven, they had been together…

Struggling to find her voice she replied. "Is there something you wanted?" She could not let her emotions betray her. No. She had to stay strong. But as he took her free hand in his, she felt her defenses crumble. "Kathryn…" his voice was tender and soothing, as he placed his arm around hers. She tried to force herself to turn away, but she could not. As he lifted her chin and looked into her eyes, he whispered. "Never say goodbye Kathryn, never."

What's going to happen next? Stay tuned to find out!


	5. Let The Rain fall

Author's Note: Thanks to all my reviewers… I also discovered I'm on the "favorite authors" list of a few of you! I feel soooo honored!!! Thanks so much… I hope you enjoy the conclusion of this story… or at least I think it will be… Thanks for following through this little nightmare of a story that I was never motivated to finish…

He never expected to find her here; in fact he never expected to see her again at all. He had left Seven the night before; for he knew that there was no way that he could ever be happy with her. His thoughts always lingered on Kathryn. He'd spent so many days wondering how different things could have been, and it had become apparent to Seven that he was always a million miles when he was with her. Once he had even mumbled Kathryn's name when he had kissed Seven, and for him that was the final straw. He knew that if he could not be with her, then he would not be with anyone.

He had wandered out that morning to see _Voyager _on last time before she was retired. He also went back because the ship was such a part of her. The ship was Kathryn, she was the voyager, the dreamer, the Captain, and it was only fitting that her presence was so strong onboard the ship. Even standing near the ship he thought he could feel her presence. But little did he know that she was indeed right there. Right next to him and she didn't even notice.

He had walked over to her, and spoke. He could see her jump a bit, but he persisted. He had put this off for too long.

She felt a raindrop fall from the sky and it mixed with the salty tears that had begun to fall down her cheeks. She couldn't believe he was here, and more than anything she couldn't believe that she had been so stubborn. There was an undeniable chemistry between them, something she had never felt before. And she knew, as she had known for years now that she loved him, and always would. As their lips met in an earth shattering kiss, the rain fell in droves and her tears spilled onto his shirt. Her tears were those of joy, and as they mingled with the rain, she knew that it wasn't goodbye, never goodbye.

_'Til my body is dust  
'til my soul is no more  
I will love you, love you  
'Til the sun starts to cry  
and the moon turns to rust  
I will love you, love you  
  
But I need to know - will you stay for all  
time...forever and a day  
Then I'll give my heart 'til the end of all  
time...forever and a day  
  
'Til the storms fill my eyes  
and we touch the last time  
I will love you, love you..._

In Dreams- from Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring TS Eliot's poem _The Wasteland_ I Will Love You- FisherThanks for reading! 


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